I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
