Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
In America we eat man semen.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
