I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
