I can tuck mytits in my pants
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
