I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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