my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
is this the sara with the beer cane?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
