this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
