In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
