He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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