sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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