this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
