i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I can't put those talents on a resume
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
