I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
