This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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