Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
