All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
there is puke in my bra ... again
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