Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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