omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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