I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
