he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
