Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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