I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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