We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
