I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
