saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
