Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
