he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
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we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
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I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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