My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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