why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
