3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
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Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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