He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
