If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize