You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
