Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
where are my eyebrows?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
