why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
