if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
