you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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