I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
