the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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