if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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