Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
