I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize