sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
