dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
