Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
