I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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