Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
whose ass print is on the piano?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
