She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
