The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
