and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
