the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
