I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
