You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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