you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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