So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
