the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He kissed a someone with a penis
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
