I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
