My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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