from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
