Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
