We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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