Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
