mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
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he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
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My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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